Sunday, 28 July 2013

nowhere boy


 In 2009 when Nowhere Boy was released I read about it but never got round to seeing it. I'd pretty much forgotten about it until last weekend when my friend Lauren brought it over one night. So yeah.... I'm in love.
  Decades wise, the 50s/60s have always been my favourite. I love the clothes and music and generally look of things and just urgh take me there please! So yeah, aesthetics wise, this film is perfect and god I haven't even started on the story line yet (if we can call it that, I mean it's real so um idk).
  Although I've listened to and enjoyed the Beatles before, I've never really got them. Like, yeah they're good, but really?  I have always thought they were a bit... over appreciated, let's just say. (This is something I've never admitted before; I mean I don't know about other countries but in England they're musical gods)
 So basically...


This film broke my heart (I sobbed for a long while after it had finished, not even chocolate ice cream could soothe me, this was a pretty big deal) and inspired me so so so so so much. It made me want to sing and dance and listen and play every Beatles song there ever was for eternity so I've decided that's what I'm going to do this summer so yup.

  I know this is a shit review/post but basically this film MESSED WITH MY EMOTIONS (so much so I can't write them down properly) so please just go and see this film if you haven't, and if this hasn't swayed you yet, I'll let Aaron's pretty face do the rest, I mean.....

God. Can we just not?

Monday, 22 July 2013

these will all be stories one day

So lately I've been thinking a lot about change and loss. As I'm about to move into year 11, I've been having a lot of 'lasts' - my last sports day, my last enrichment week etc. These aren't things that I'll hugely miss (I HATE SPORTS WITH A PASSION) but it's still weird to think that these are things I'll never do again. Watching the year elevens leave as well is reminding me how little time I have left at my school with my year group. Admittedly there are plenty of people I will simply not miss at all, but still, it's odd to think that they won't be in my life in a years time.
 I moved primary schools when I was 10, and spent the remainder of year six with a whole different bunch of people. Last weekend I bumped in to one of my ex best-friends, who I haven't spoken properly to in a very long time. It was painfully awkward - we've both moved on with our lives and friendships, her quicker than me (she lost one friend, I lost all of them) and we've become very different people. I don't miss her as such, but I just think it's kind of sad that someone who was such a big part of my life can become so distant. I don't really feel I know her any more. I don't don't mind this, but it makes me wonder which of my friends I'll still be in touch with in a few years time - I don't want to ever have to let go of anyone. It's taken me so long to finally move on and recover from my last move that I'm not sure how well I'll cope with doing it again so soon - I hate having to say goodbye, and I hate knowing there are so many future goodbyes.
  So I'm kind of babbling now, but basically I don't want to have to move on - I'm just getting comfortable. I hate that life is full of loss so I'm trying to live in the moment but if I'm perfectly honest the future scares me. There are moments, though, when I'm too happy and content to care, whether it be that I'm alone, with my family or with friends. A recent time like this was the Friday in town and at the beach I wrote about. I felt so carefree and relaxed and oblivious to everything and everyone other than my friends and the sea, and nothing else mattered, it was beautiful. This paragraph from Perks pretty much sums that up - it literally brings tears to my eyes every time I read it - so here, enjoy:)

'I don't know if I will have the time to write anymore letters because I might be too busy trying to participate. So if this does end up being the last letter I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school and you helped me. Even if you didn't know what I was talking about or know someone who has gone through it, you made me not feel alone. Because I know there are people who say all these things don't happen. And there are people who forget what it's like to be 16 when they turn 17. I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We'll all become somebody's mom or dad. But right now these moments are not stories. This is happening, I am here and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you're listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.' - Stephen Chbosky, Perks of Being a Wallflower. 


Saturday, 20 July 2013


 For someone with so many ideas and plans I'm utterly shit at actually carrying them out. I have so many blog posts planned about things I'm passionate about, but I never seem to get past writing the first paragraph or so because I have so much happening in my head and so much to say but the words just aren't there.... it's stupid. That's why this post is going to be a short one because I've had a friend staying and need to write but cant think properly so yeah. I apologize for my last of order and topic in this post but I just need to get my thoughts out I guess so bear with me!

  I love being busy and to a certain extent it makes me very happy because I don't have time to think to much about things but at the same time it means I don't have time to write or play/sing which drives me nuts - this sounds so cringey and cliche but if I don't have my release through music or writing I get so frustrated and down about everything - I can honestly see a clear difference in my moods between those weeks where I do have alone creativey time I guess you could call it and those I don't, it's crazy. Everything sort of builds up, and I guess this sort of stuff is very theraputic. I haven;t had my down time this week so I've been pretty agitated and it means I've argued so much with my mum it's terrible.

 These past few weeks in English we've been studying poetry at school and even I'm not enjoying it and I can really love poetry. It's stupid because they want us to be inspired and to like poetry but even I'm not swayed by all this war stuff we read - I appreciate it's historic, important and brilliant actual writing but for middle class, English 15 year olds it's really not relatable so no-one really takes much notice of it. I feel like my teachers are almost failing poetry because it can be really beautiful but they need to get us interested by showing us more relevant stuff, I guess. I hate poetry being seen as boring by my age group because good poetry is anything but.

 I was on Tumblr earlier and saw this post (not mine, sorry I lost the link so tell me if you know who to credit it to!) and it struck a chord (is this the right saying?) with me; I think it's really sweet. It made me think, so I thought I'd share.

good ol' winnie

I really need to get some sleep now because I've had too little of it at the moment, so niiiiiight! It's so nearly the holidays, I CAN'T WAIT NOT TO HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT SCHOOL OR SLEEP I'M SO EXCITED

so see ya, sweet dreams:)

Saturday, 13 July 2013

it's sunny and I'm happy

So I've actually had a really good couple of days. I'm a bit of an obsessive list maker so y'know I thought I'd make a list as to why it's been actually pretty nice:

  • last Friday (not yesterday) I had a college taster day which meant new subjects like Politics which I loved, seeing lots of people from my old school that I hadn't seen in five years and then a sunny afternoon wandering around the Lanes with my friends Isy, Lydia and Jake looking in fancy dress and vintage shops as well as a few record stores, and then a sunny evening trip to the beach and (very long) walk home with Isy and Lydia. The sun was still up, it was lovely and warm and the beach was pretty quiet for Brighton. We had lots of deep chats (my favourite kind), ate chips and also had pebble fights which was nice. As it's getting near the end of term we're all getting a bit sick of each other and our routines, so it was nice to take some time out and not have to worry about anything for a while, and really just appreciate each other's company. 
  • I managed to eat LITERALLY TONS of (non-literal) shit - I really need to go on like a detox or whatever to cleanse my body but life's too short, right? I went to a fayre on Saturday and what's a fayre without candy floss? NOTHING, that's what. So far I've managed not to become morbidly obese, so it's going okay at the moment. 
  • I was out of the house with friends practically all weekend so I had no arguments with anyone and I also managed not to do my whole spiralling into depressing thoughts that's been happening a lot lately which is always promising. I have also been missing a lot of school recently (illness/school trips/taster day/Tedx) so I've been missing all the homework being set, so that's nice. I've done next to nothing recently, and I'm LOVING IT.
  • It was my mum's birthday yesterday so it was nice to spend some family time, although she's just flown to Dublin to see my aunt this week so I won't see much of her for a little while. We had a really sweet picnic in the garden and it was all very summery. 
  • One of my best friends Ruby who lives in Bristol is staying while she does her work experience in a Brighton vets which will be nice, although it does mean that she'll see me in my shitty school production of Romeo and Juliet (I'm Juliet and HATING it. I didn't audition I just got picked and it's a week away and no where near finished, so that's great) but anyway it's been a while since we've properly spent time together, and she's been very much missed by my cats (she spoils them)
  • I visited Oxford uni (Balliol college to be precise) and it was beautiful, enjoy part of the ceiling. We also visited the Bodleian library and parts of it were used for filming Harry Potter; me and my friend and fellow Potterhead Charlotte died! 

and finally...

  • IT'S SUMMER!!!!!!!!!
    For once it's actually been sunny in England so I've been spending lots of time in the garden reading, listening to music and eating (the ice-cream van has been visiting our village rather a lot) and I'd forgotten how much the sun could brighten (sorry for the cringey pun but I couldn't NOT) up my mood, I think the drabness of winter/cold spring had been making me pretty grumpy. 

Today I have a friend coming over and we're planning on going on a walk and then picnicking, it should be nice. I'll try and get some pictures! 


Thursday, 4 July 2013

why hello, etsy

so after reading the wonderful Bridget's 'Beginner's Guide to Feminism' on Outsider Zine, (crazy amount of links there, I recommend clicking them all) I started browsing Midge Blitz's etsy store, Modern Girl Blitz. If you are skint I recommend NOT LOOKING ON HERE as you'll want to spend all your money I promise but if not, then I thoroughly recommend having a look. It's everything you could ever want from an etsy store - it's of quirky, feminist,affordable zines and objects, all of which I want desperately. As right now I really can't afford to be spending money I'm going to try to resist for a little while (I owe my parents stupid amounts of money that I've spent on concerts that I really couldn't and still can't afford, woops) but I thought I'd show you guys my favourite picks, I WANT IT ALL WHY CAN'T I BE RICH

I'm NO Domestic Goddess Button

Bitches Get Stuff Done Button
Bitches Get Stuff Done Button Badge

Cool Cat Button
Cool Cat Button Badge

Mouth Button
Mouth Button Badge

Typewriter Feminist Button
Typewriter Feminist Button Badge

Feminism is Cool Red Banner Sticker
Feminism Is Cool Red Banner Sticker 

Cool Cat Button
Cool Cat Button Badge

Fight Like a Grrrl Button Choose One
Fight Like A Grrrl Button Badge

So as you can probably tell I'm a little in love with her badges, and hopefully one day THESE WILL BE MINE. Second prize for the best Etsy store goes to Confetti Bandits for everything Moonrise Kingdom inspired, it's all so beautiful you should have a look.

 In other news I have managed to not do any maths for nearly a week and a half which during term time is pretty damn impressive, and I've also rediscovered my unconditional love for Cadbury's Chocolate Buttons, they're so delicious omg.

 I've also taken to wearing my hair up in a high plait at home (put it in a high ponytail, plait the hair and then tie it with another hair band) with my favourite ever earrings my (medium sized) silver hoops (they're nice I promise you) a la Justine Littlewood....

I used to hate her guts but I have to say, over time I'm starting to warm to her, maybe because I haven't seen an episode of Tracy Beaker in years but still. It also makes my hair all wavy which I like so yup

Ok so I'm going to go and eat some food now so byeeeeeeeeee I love you xoxoxo